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"Trowa's Secret"Written By: Emerald Pillow Pairings: 1+3 Warnings: Yaoi;Langauage,death fic Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, you can try
to sue me, but all you'll get is a cat with a half mask like Trowa
(But, her name is Duo...) Comments: It's from Trowa's POV and the story
is about a little secret that he's been hiding from Heero...I hope
you enjoy. Rating: NC 17 Trowa's Secret Part 9
I wasn't there any more. I listened to the surroundings,
trying to determine where I was. The steady beep of the heart monitor
was a dead giveaway. I was at the clinic, and Heero was holding my
hand. That could only mean that he now knew. Wu Fei warned me that
he would tell if he had to. . .and that's what probably happened.
I couldn't move, not even to open my eyes. I couldn't
feel anything except for Heero's touch. I wanted to go back to the
darkness. At least there I wouldn't have to think, feel, or face a
knowing Heero. How could he ever forgive me for lying to him for the
entire six months that we've been together? I didn't deserve to be
forgiven. "Heero." It was Wu Fei. "Maybe you should
go get some rest." There was no response, I only felt my hand
being squeezed. "I'll call you as soon as. . ." "I'm not leaving. Not until I know that he's going
to be all right. I have to be here, the way I should have been."
The room fell silent again and I felt one of his hands leave mine.
A second later I could feel it on my cheek. "Wake up Trowa, please.
. . .don't leave me." His voice was barely a whisper, but I heard
him as if he was shouting at me. He kissed my forehead and, as if
a wake up call, my entire body came to life with pain. Why was it that everything I did ended up hurting him
in some way? Against my fears, I opened my eyes. He was sitting next
to me on the bed, clearly concerned. I seen a glimmer of relief pass
over his features, and I turned from him. "I'm sorry Heero." My voice was raspy. "It's okay." "No, it's not okay. After what I've done, it won't
ever be okay." "What have you done that's so horrible Trowa?"
I looked up at him in shock. Wu Fei didn't tell him? He probably did.
. .Heero just wanted me to confess. Where's the use in hiding now?
"I've been lying to you for the pass six months."
"And?" Was this some sort of messed up dream?
Wasn't he supposed to be angry at me? Why was he acting like it was
no big deal? I searched his face, trying to understand what he was
thinking. "I forgive you." He whispered and gently wiped
a tear that somehow escaped without my knowing. "How could you?" "I meant what I said earlier. It's because of how
I feel toward you that I can forgive you." "I don't deserve it." "Everyone deserves a second chance." "I didn't give Quatre one." "The way I see it. . .you weren't denying him a
second chance. . .you were being loyal to me. More likely than not,
if he had come back six months ago, you would have forgiven him."
"How much did Wu Fei tell you?" "He only told me that you passed out from exhaustion."
"But. . .didn't. . .I thought. . ." "You were the one that told me that you were lying.
Now are you going to tell me what you were lying about?" As I
stared into his eyes, I told him everything. I told him about being
HIV positive; the whole story of my and Quatre's break up; Wu Fei's
role as, practically, my doctor. The story came out so easily, and
I couldn't help but wonder why now was different. When I finally finished,
he was quiet for a few minutes. I couldn't stand the silence. . .not
knowing what he was thinking. "I'll understand if you don't ever want. . ."
He placed his hand over my mouth. "Don't even think like that. I still want to be
with you." I pushed his hand away and sat up straight. "Trowa. . ." "That's what's going to happen." I looked
down at the white sheets. "I don't want to hurt you any more.
I've put you through enough already." "The only way you can hurt me now is by telling
me to stay away. I want to be here for you. You've been alone your
entire life, you shouldn't have to die alone Trowa." "Bu. . ." "I won't let you push me away again." His
eyes took on a determined look. I've seen it before, and knew it well.
It was the end of the discussion. His mind was made up and he wasn't
going to change it. . .there was no use arguing with him. . .and in
a way, I was glad he made the decision. He lightly pulled me into
his arms and I gladly accepted the embrace. "Can I ask you something?" I started slowly
and he nodded. "Did you know something about this before now?"
He pulled from me and looked me straight in the eye. "I knew something was wrong. I just didn't know
exactly what it was. I didn't want to pry. . .so I was just waiting
for whenever you were comfortable enough to confide in me." "I guess I should have known better than to think
I could hide anything completely from you." "Yeah, you should have." It was a playful
scolding, which brought a weak smile to my lips. "To tell you
the truth, I knew you were sick, but I thought you wanted to break
up with me because of Wu Fei." "What?!" He looked down as shame seemed to
float into his eyes. That was one thing I never saw there before.
"Lately, there's been a lot of rumors that you
and Wu Fei had something going. . ." "And you believed them?" "At first, no. . .but when you told me this afternoon
that we should see other people, I just. . .I wasn't really thinking."
I took his hand in mine and kissed the back of it. "I could never replace you. . .and I wouldn't want
to. You're the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I don't ever
want to lose you." I leaned forward and kissed him tenderly.
"You should rest." He said in a fatherly tone
after we parted. He stood, but I pulled him back to the bed. "For what?" "For this." We laid there in silence for a
few minutes. For the first time, I was fully relaxed. Before, my mind
had always been tortured with thoughts of 'what if' and memories of
Quatre. . .now, not a single thought pass through. "Are you still in pain?" Heero asked suddenly
and I raised slightly to look at him. "Huh?" "Weren't you in pain earlier?" "I was. . . .but I'm not anymore." "Were you having chest pains yesterday when Quatre
was here?" "Why do you ask?" "It's just that when I was holding you, I started
having chest pains. I know it wasn't my own. I was just wondering
if they were sympathy pains for you." "You felt my pain?" He only nodded. "Was
that the only time?" "For the pass couple of months, it's been like
that. It was really bad earlier. That's why I came after you."
"Heero. . .what will you do after I. . ."
He placed his index finger over my lips. "Rest now. We can talk about that some other time."
He didn't want to think about it. The topic bothered him. He didn't
have to say so. . .I could tell that's how he felt about it. For now,
I'll allow it to slide. . .but I really wanted to know the answer.
In truth, I was a little worried about his response. ~ * ~ Chapter
10 |
